How to crash events

1.  Know People -  In this case, one of the Tarletons, who forwarded a note with some vague (and slightly inaccurate) information about an event involving Marlo Thomas, a book signing, and a restaurant.

2.  Be Available - and persistent.  Because the information was not quite right, it took a village.  In this case, one of the mailing list who reads the Herald (the Herald!) and steered us to the correct location.  In neither case was it advertised.

3.  Kick it Old School.  This was no Facebook event.  In fact, Marlo seems most excited about her new website, which is sort of 1990's Rosie O'Donnell in its content.  I won't link to it because I just criticized it, and they will know, but you can find it easily enough.  Instead, this was email, word of mouth, and knowing the best subway parking for an Orange Line train.


4.  Be Confident.  You never know how far an Emerson education will take you.  In this case, up to the hostess podium, where one says, in a self-deprecating Ann Marie tone, "Well, we are absurdly early for the Marlo Thomas event."  Winking is a nice touch.  No one who is trying to sneak into something would WINK about it. 

5. Use "we,"  as in... "Why would we have this event in a restaurant, rather than in a bookstore."  And, "are we all upstairs, then, or gathering right here."  Look the organizer right in the eye -- compliment her suit if you can pull that off (the compliment, not the suit)

6. Buy the Book.   I mean... after all....If it means you have to go to the Westin for cash, leave your friend in charge of your purse.

7. Mingle.  When you return, your friend may be surrounded by middle-aged ladies with giant pocketbooks.  Theoretically.  Drink enough to be bold, but not sloppy.  Don't be the lady who talks too much too fast about something too personal.  But do take her business card.

8. Be Gracious, but not too Gracious.  You don't want to attract too much attention.  When you are asked, "How are you connected to Marlo?"  You can put a hand to your chest as if moved, and simply say, "well St Jude's..."  I tapped a woman's arm, full-on Southern style, and declared "Isn't Memphis the friendliest city no one is visiting?"  Don't say you are Lebanese unless you actually are.  It is not sporting.  (And my friend will call you on that BS.)

9.  Slip away.  After you have basked in celebrity, accepted the wine being passed like cheese puffs, and maybe taken a photo, just disappear.  Because you don't want to be there when the checkbooks come out.

10.  Eat elsewhere.  Like Unos, say.  Where everything was strangely buffalo-sauced.  I thought it was Chicago-style.  Sliders and beer.  You know your place.