Collectible? Deductible!

And just like that, it is tax time again. Tax time lacks the hilarity it has had in years past, when I set up camp with the Rockport posse, complete with dogs, cats, and lashings of bourbon.

Since the posse moved to California, I have faced the Turbo Tax alone this year, but it does not disappoint. Because collectibles are subject to capital gains. And which party wanted that to happen?

"Alcoholic beverages held more than one year."

You can almost reinact the debate, can't you? Like one of the cut numbers from 1776 when it debuted in Westport.

ADAMS: Wine, Mr.F?

FRANKLIN: Wine, Mr. A.
[you have to imagine the staccato violins]

ADAMS: Rum, also, sir?

FRANKLIN: Rum is hardly an investment, sir, and very rarely stored! [hilarious swell]

JEFFERSON: The farmers of Virgin-ee-a will not bear this tax alone.

PINAFORE-LIKE CHORUS: not bear this tax - not bear this tax- not bear this tax alone!

SHERMAN: In Connect-icut we deal in scotch, sir, and age it oaky-fine.

CHASE: In Mary-land we'd never stoop to sell our sacred wine.

CHORUS: scared wine oaky fine!

FRANKLIN: New Jersey-ans have chianti, New Yorkers like their beer

I propose we place the tax on beverage held one year!

CHORUS: He is the very model of a modern major general...

Right about now it is important that you know that I would be doing this without you here.

Moreover.... the entry above alcoholic beverages is GEMS, not GUM, as I originally read it.

Imagine saving your stamp collection for 15 years, actually finding a buyer, actually getting more back than you put into it (100 stamps x let's say 25 cents on average, and you sell it for $50, minus 28%...). Oh my, but you will have to will them to a third generation before they are worth the cost of selling them.

Turbo Tax will tell you things your closest friends never will. Things like this:

Damn, Turbo, you ain't gotta be like that.

I didn't qualify for a lot of things. I think I am supposed to feel "arrived" about that: no heating expense break, no student loan deduction, I didn't even qualify for the president's bogus hush money plan. which would have bought a lot of gasoline this summer.