Sunday, August 24, 2008

What now, Burger King?

Challenging Deana's theory that eventually everything will be in the form of a wipe, or a strip, Burger King has decided to package everything in "fry" form.

What, in the name of all that's drive-thru, is this about, Your Highness.
It's an apple. Sliced. Served in a fry box.
Blink. Blink.

Why would a restaurant (the only industry authorized to use the term "hand fruit,") serve a sliced apple? Why would someone pay a dollar and a half?

Please, dear Readership, enter your next Burger King, and order Chicken Fries with large fries and apple fries. You must do so without irony, without giggling. Extra points for studying the menu for a while and ordering slowly, as if you have no idea what you just did.

While you're waiting for your order, bend over the refrigerator pie case and say "OOOoo, that looks good," as if you can actually see the pie.

Ask what kind of apple it is. Ask what country it's from. Consult a little notebook you produce seemingly from nowhere and nod approvingly. Shake your head and say, "Boy, I'll tell you, it's worth it not to have to peel that sticker, am I right?" Shoot a finger gun at your cashier.

As you pick up your bag, say "Fry you very much" to the counter kid. If the counter kid is an old guy, shout it, as if he is simple-minded and deaf.

By the way, Mary C, if you actually do this and tape it, I want writing credit. In my real name.


  1. I would think that it would be illegal to serve fruit in something called a "frypod." That is, unless it is one of those fried apple pie things.

  2. My children have now consumed these "apple fries" twice. Here's the kicker: The "fries" come in a plastic bag that is tossed in your food sack with an empty fry container. You, the customer, has to take them out of the plastic bag and arrange them lovingly in the empty fry container to even begin to create the illusion that there is anything fry-like about this product. And I did it. Both times. For each kid. The response from my four year old, "These are just regular apples". Note: she was sobbing with disappointment as she said it. All hail the king.


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