Sunday, August 3, 2008

How to alienate everyone at the company picnic

{I didn't really do any of these. They just gave me something to giggle over while mingling.}

1. Sell your free tickets on eBay.

2. Bring your own food
Carrying a bowl of cereal around is good. I recommend Cap'n Crunch

3. Wear an iPod.
Just walk around like that. If people speak, remove one earplug and say, "How's that?" just like you do at work.

4. Bring some Goths
Say your coven is "just like family."

5. Ask where the "beer's at."

6. Dominate the squirt-gun steeplechase.
Trash-talk the little kids who challenge you. Refuse to leave the stool.

7. Take pictures of other people's kids.
But don't talk to their parents when you do.

8. Suggest Shirts/Skins Volleyball

9. Ask spouses, "So... do you have a ride home?"

10. Start the Macarena


  1. My boss is in the middle of planning a BBQ. Dare I send this to her??? I probably already used up my allotment of acceptable sarcastic comments when she brought her dog to work. Maybe I'll wait until next year...

  2. You forgot:

    Eat off someone elses' plate.

    Act drunk after drinking several root beers.

    Carry in a Boom Box and lace up your roller skates.

    And if you live in MA, deck yourself out in full Yankees team gear.


Comments Build Community! We thank you for yours. Spam comments are not welcome and will not be posted.