Having some work done

At our mutual birthday outing, Karen asked, "After 48 years, you just got tired of looking at it?"

That's it, exactly.
I got tired of looking at it. 

I should have asked her in the first place.  Because I didn't get to "I'm just tired of looking at it," without several months of soul-searching over whether this was a vanity.  I was going to write about that, but I know the Readership is much more entertained by my expeditions into the world of American medicine.

Ten minutes every year, my Dr asks what's on my mind and I never have anything interesting for her to do, so I said, "I'm thinking of having my mole removed."

She shrugs, hands in lab coat pockets,  and says"Sure.  why not."  Healthcare reform, indeed.

You can convince yourself that a skin growth on your face is barely noticeable  and it's just one of your features, and why go through the hassle (and is it Vanity??!!) -- but let me tell you, when you refer to it as "my mole," and everyone knows what you're talking about, even by phone, then you are on the right track.

Except at the dermatologist's, of course.  They say, "which one?"   

Or, as Jay once said, "You finally changed your glasses, thank God."

Here is the list of things you thought I would worry about.

What if it changes the whole look of your face?
Karen and I share a shuddering fascination for true mirrors, which do not reverse your image, but instead show you exactly as the world sees you.  Whenever I see a photo of myself, I think the mole is in the wrong place.  And it is all I can see.

What if you lose your super powers?
Only Greatest of All Sisters would know I really did consider this -- I knew a woman who lost her music scholarship after an accident ruined her embouchure.  Probably my facination with that sentence is greater than any true belief that my encyclopedic knowledge of TV trivia or uncanny sense of time are actually related to this undeveloped twin.

By the way, did you know Barbara Gordon is now in a wheelchair? 

But that's your Marilyn Monroe beauty mark..
You're sweet.  But 1.  hers might not have been real.

and 2. If you're going to have Lauren Hutton's gap, you'd better be Lauren Hutton.


What if you catch on fire?
Yes, of course this was my own question.  (Whoever let me work in healthcare....)
After our initial meeting, though, where I learned we were doing this with a scapel and not a laser, with novocain and not gas,  and...that I was out of my mind, I was fine.

What if it leaves a worse scar?
Well, this had kept me from it for years.  I thought, if I'm going for an eye-catching facial disfigurement, we can mark that already complete.

How do you bandage a lip?
We're using a sling instead.

Was it getting bigger?

No.  My face is getting smaller .  You think LBG was born with those earlobes?

Will it be biopsied?
Yes - how else would insurance cover it?

Did you watch?
I kept my eyes shut through the whole thing, which was only 10 minutes, so that wasn't hard.

Do you have body dysmorphic disorder?
No, but I may have decided to do it just because it didn't have to be orchestrated, discussed with anyone, or dependent on committee. 
And that's its own kind of disorder.

But is it a vanity?
It is.  But I have  room for the occasional human weakness.  

Birthday gifts of a bygone era

I miss when a birthday meant someone gave you.....  

  Giant Money:  In anybody's hand, this is some serious coin.  In a child's hand, it's a Frisbee.

Shaped Cake:  The people at Baker's believed all frosting should be coconut frosting.  Earlier today, Dodie said, "You like coconut?   Why have I never known that?"  I said, "Because yoooo don't like coconut.  So we never ate it."

Dangerous toys!  (sorry we fell out of love with you, all-things-missile.)
Anything that cooked, soldered, stabbed, glowed, or swallowed easily (subcategory: Lite-Brite peg, marble, Barbie shoe, Monopoly house, Sea Monkey)

Qiana:  more fashion through chemistry

SKATES!

Hard-cover books.  soooo fancy.  Special occasion.

Electronica.

who-o-o-aa-a.

Fast food coupons.
50 cent coupon guzenta giant money.... 2 Saturdays.  Free toy inside will be mini jarts.  Don't swallow them. Or these cookies.

Bike accessories: Because, man, they wore out.  Get the streamer ones, hide stuff inside your handlebars and cover with metallic streamer grips.

 Weird clothes you were supposed to "grow into" (and might return to in 60 years...)












I stop at 10.  The rest is up to you.

Occupy Gymnasium: "The Explosive Generation"

(click images to enlarge)

Whatever the opposite of "Spoilers" are, these are the top 10 of them for streaming The Explosive Generation right now.

1. SHATNER

2. In blue jeans.  (sadly, the cuffs are much too deep) 

3. Teenaged Patty McCormack
(Nic-Nac Patty Mac, hit 'im with your shoe....)

4. Beau Bridges.  outstanding.

5.  My boyfriend Billy Gray, 23 playing 17, looking 38

6. The Hygiene Film Method is swell, all right.

7.  Absentee parents
"Why did this have to happen when your father was out of town!?"

8.  50's Flash Mob!

9.  With Bongos!

10.  Big Important Speeches

The Boomers clash with Squares and Pigs to get their first taste of Be-Ins.  It's a solid gas.

Instant Cure

If you wait long enough, the DSM will simply edit you out.

Miss Bender is not a clinician, or medically trained to any degree.  She is simply an enthusiastic spinster with literary training and an obsession for deconstructing text...

Like new sports in the Olympics, and slang in the American Heritage Dictionary, society awaits the generational sweep-up of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders .  Version 5 is upon us!
Oooh, it feels like Christmas.

Who's Out:  It's the social register you are glad excludes you, and with Version 5 the following Disorders are being redefined.

Mental Retardation.  Well, what do you know about that.  Intellectual Developmental Disorder will no longer be coded mild, moderate, severe, profound by IQ range.

Autism Spectrum Disorders will be more specifically identified, over DSM-IV, including the simple, but key description: "Symptoms together limit and impair everyday functioning."  Limit and impair, which means you high functioning austistic types just became less autistic.  On the other hand, you might now be obsessive/compulsive, so stick with the devil you know, I say....

My favorite sentence from the APA might be that the current "criteria [for austism] were equivalent to trying to “cleave meatloaf at the joints”.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder :  no longer limited to body fat or weight.  This is not specified in Version IV, but apparently assumed, since Version 5 stipulates, "appearance preoccupations are not restricted to concerns with body fat or weight in an eating disorder."  

Blanket Narcissism (what I call the Ass-tism Spectrum, or.. no more meds for being a general jerk).  Version 5 puts the screws to narcissists just where they want them, but making it more about them.  To appreciate the big change to our friend T-05, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, you can study the current diagnosis, which emphasizes a "pattern of behavior,"  against the proposed revision, which emphasizes the results of those patterns, to self and interpersonal relationships.  Says the APA, "Impairments in the self and interpersonal domains were deemed by the Work Group to be most characteristic of personality disorders."

Gender Identity Disorder is renamed Gender Dysphoria, and for an interesting look into identity, read the Rationale for the change, which was originally proposed as "Gender Incongruence" until a consult from the World Professional Association for Transgender Health.

 "disorder" has a specific clinical definition, which is,

A clinically significant  behavioral or psychological syndrome or pattern that occurs in an individual [which is] associated with present distress...[and is not]  merely an expectable and culturally sanctioned response to a particular event...

In the case of Gender Dysmorphia,  also note that the Sexual and Identity Disorders Workgroup stated

We also debated and discussed the merit of placing this condition in a special category apart from...psychiatric diagnoses to reflect its unusual status as a mental condition treated with cross-sex hormones, gender reassignment surgery, and social and legal transition to the desired gender.... We chose not to make any decision between its categorization as a psychiatric or a medical condition and wished to avoid jeopardizing either insurance coverage or treatment access (Drescher, 2010).  (emphasis is again mine.  None else italicizes quite this much.)

Childhood Gender Identity Disorder  is severely specified as a mental illness as 6 of 8 traits must now be present to classify as Gender Dysphoria in Children, where DSM-IV requires only 4 of 5 traits, and does not include the statement "clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning, or with a significantly increased risk of suffering, such as distress or disability."

 (those italics were actually already there)

DSM-5 may revive the definition of "disorder" as well, thanks to the worst-named workteam in the world of corporate bureaucracy, the Anxiety, Obsessive-Compulsive, Posttraumatic, and Dissociative Disorders Work Group.

I hope they ordered mugs.

Next time you think your little mission statement task force spends too much time arguing over its acronym, you might just let them take their time.

The committee of the sad would like to tweak this language somewhat; for example "reflects an underlying psychobiological dysfunction" rather than "is a manifestation of..."    That sort of thing.

So....What's In:

Obsessive-Compulsives, this is your time! Skin-Picking Disorder and Hoarding -- now rate their own entries!

Exhibitionists, you've become so diversified that we need Types for you:   

Sexually Attracted to Exposing Genitals to Pubescent or Prepubescent Individuals (Generally Younger Than Age 15)
Sexually Attracted to Exposing Genitals to Physically Mature Individuals (Generally Age 15 or Older)
Equally Sexually Attracted to Exposing Genitals to Both Age Groups

You must be so proud...

Unspecified Depressive Disorder - still under review, but on the table for Version 5.  In case Big Pharma can not reach you on one of the 8 other categories (including Premenstrual Dysphoria, so watch your "edginess."  That's also a clinical term), they may soon have a catch-all bucket for you.

Medical codes for Agoraphobia!  It's all about the coding for you and your IN'sharns company.  In exchange, you must now be agoraphobic for more than 6 months, it must impair your functioning (WoW does not qualify),  and you have to test out of 5 other disorders first (which is true today).

Back to Body Dysmorphia, proposed revision would include repetitive behaviors in response to the dysmorphia, which at a stretch could include cosmetic surgeries.

Dyslexia - was always in there, but called "Reading Disorder."  In addition to its new name, it aligns better with IDEA regulations, which address achievement potential in people with learning disabilities, a potential DSM-IV does not recognize. And for those of us in the adaptive technologies and access game, the removal of "comprehension" as one of the reading difficulties associated with dyslexia is a major win.  With the right access to the written word, people with dyslexia comprehend just fine.

As for the switch to Arabic numerals, the APA has gone digital with the rest of American Medicine -- this allows them to make point revisions like 5.2 and 5.3, which translate better than IV-TR did.  Because no one could figure out what number TR was.

Other people's houses

Other people's houses are cozy and comfortable.
Your house is full of chores and clutter.

Other people's cable is escapist, surprising, nostalgic.
Your cable is full of stupid repeats.

Other people's pets are affectionate and adorable.
Your pets lick their butts.

Other people's houses have beer in them.
Mmmmmm beeeerrrrr....

Here's to out of town friends.  Happy Holidays.