Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Let them eat lunch

It has taken me a while to settle on a blog name for the new Boss of Bosses, but I have settled on Dear Leader, after witnessing the way he has, within a month, turned the workforce into cooperative beasts through a (literal) Free Lunch program.

Readers of Real Corporate Email will recall the "I can use a little muscle" issue of 9/25 in which we hated to see something happen to that pretty little cafeteria you got there...

What's wrong with the soup line

in order of no-take-back-ability
1. Well, now you've done it.
Try stopping this train now. Certainly riots have occurred over the loss of lesser privileges.

2. It doesn't solve a problem I have.
a. One thing I know for sure about the gossip chain down-the-mill is that if there had really been food poisoning, we would know who had it, what they ate, and what they looked like throwing it back up.
b. And if they did, how will we know it's "over"? How do we know these chafing dishes aren't equally as tainted?
c. In addition, there is nothing else in this town except the mill and 20 restaurants. in walking distance.
d. It's not as if we ate in that cafeteria for free. I've worked long and far too hard to distance myself from eating off free buffets and happy hours (this means you, Frogg Lane...)
3. It disrupts the work environment.
When the line is forming outside the meeting room I am in, in a building across a skybridge from the soup line, you have created a [non search matching euphemism]

4. It distracts Facilities.
When every time I pass a member of the facilities staff, they are discussing ziti, we have lost our persective.

5. It doesn't design product.
Which is what we really clocked in for.

6. Groupthink is creepy.

7. There go the bonuses.
Let's say you're getting it wholesale. Even at $5/day x 400 employees a day is $2000 a day. We are on day 20. You just bought a junior analyst.

8. You don't even work here.
And I am sure that on the days you do, Dear Leader, someone brings food to you.

9. The food... isn't very good.
Hot dog day was clever. I am sure no one ever got food poisoning from that.

10. I've made this speech on the grounds before, so save yourself the stealthy IP check. Just call me.

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