Native-ity

I must give J---e B--u full credit for making that joke, but damn I wish I had.

I do not read Parade magazine for the celebrity gossip bet-settling, or the arthritis advice, or the Howard Huge cartoon. I read Parade magazine for the jaw-droppingly bad collectible art, and regularly exchange finds with several friends.

Headdresses off to the household that sent Nativity of the Christmas Star.

I have no beef with the multicultural Jesus. Here's a nice one (beautifully titled "Jesus at the Door, Black." As if Jesus at the door is not stunning enough.). The one I keep in my own sightline is fairly unorthodox. I like that he looks happy and well-fed. Don't go to Jerusalem, Josh!

Christians are not offended by Nativity of the Christmas Star, but certainly Native Americans are. Qutes below are actual ad copy.

"Creche Lights Up!"
And why wouldn't it? I love the Hyacinth Bucket pomposity of the word creche, which is certainly used only by people who collect them. It is so much icing on an already damp cake.

"Share in the spiritual bond between Native Americans and the miracle of the Holy Night..."
You weren't aware of that, were you? That's because you have never searched eBay for the phrase "native nativity." You must do that live.

"...inspired by the Native American art style."
You know the one: the tourquoise-on-beige one.

"For it's been said that because of that wonderous night, the Native American lives everyday in the giving spirit of Christmas..."
Holy Macanolli! Who said that, William Henry Harrison?

"...including two fully sculptural lambs..."
Honestly, I don't know what that means.

"...strong demand is expected."
Not according to eBay

"Meticuously painted..."
by shut-ins

"...sculpted faux beadwork..."
Cletis! Wut's fee-oh?

Hawthorne Village also made an Irish nativity -- which means green and white, with Celtic symbols (you know, the knotty looking things).

Oh, and didn't the Celts love when the Christians moved in? Almost as much as the Native Americans did.