Saturday, February 5, 2011


#31 in an occasional series of repressed 70's memories that turn out to be true.
“…as fresh as a garden”  Of chemicals.
We know how fond these kids today are of their corn syrup.  Good for them – literally, fat dumb and happy.  But does America’s new food ingredient have the added benefit of making you jump right out of your skin?  It wasn’t all cocaine and coffee that made the Pepsi generation bite through our retainers.  It was   bltchemJapan’s last joke on Uncle Sam.
The 1970s improved on monosodium glutamate by finding a cheaper way to synthesize it, and no reason not to.
So we ate it in everything.
Tuna Twist did not make your sandwich taste like a garden.  Vegetables would have made your tuna taste like a garden.  What Tuna Twist did was incorporate the literal grit of the 1970s and the rush of salt with the D.T.s of Day One kicking heroin.  ‘Cause tuna was just not charliecomplicated enough.  For the real flavor of the space age, use Miracle Whip, serve on toasted Wonder Bread with a delicious glass of Tang.
We’ll talk some other time about spokes-animals for products made out of the animal they are.
MSG2    Various “food kits” could be purchased that packaged MSG in fun shapes photographed as cuisines.  LaChoy (irony of the Indochinese naming convention wasted on all of us) came in two separate cans, presumably because Americans would not understand how to choose our ingredients in the ancient Chinese way.  Those ingredients, of course, are boiled vegetable rinds, boiled chicken, glue, and MSG (big can).  Serve with fried noodles (the little can)
Rice-a-Roni.  The best side-dish that nearly killed me.  Nancy to my Sid.
Only 2 reasons you’ll want to eat the whole box: chicken fat and MSG.  145/90 is perfectly fine at 17, as long as you already weigh 170 pounds. 
I’m so sorry, R-a-R.  I didn’t want to leave you.  But it just couldn’t be.
When there were no creative juices flowing in the test kitchens, you could always draw on the McCormick spice line.MSG4
I meant a different McCormick Spice, but she’ll do.
msg3This is McCormick “spaghetti sauce” mix.  MSG for your tomato sauce.  If that’s still too fancy for you, just whip out the Ac’cent. 

MSG5 Wakes up the flavor of your food, and keep it awake all night.


  1. I remember the Rice-a-roni commercials on tv. "the san francisco treat"...

  2. I also remember Tuna Twist. I'm guessing they don't make it anymore.


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