Wednesday, January 28, 2009

The bride wears desparation

One supposes that Manhattan District Attorney Christina Welykyj (who will now find herself in a Google search) was a willing participant in the the Sunday New York Times story that celebrated her wedding in the "Vows" section this past weekend.

In a 3-column with color photo exclusive, the Times reported that this 44 year old professional had gotten herself hitched. {{{wwwhhhhewww}}}

I am going to quote the article at some length here, because one can not always link directly to the Times on-line without a subscription, and because I would prefer the traffic. And while I do, and you read along, I would like you to consider the impact in your workplace of such a story running in your own city's paper. If you would be as thrilled as Ms. Welykyj (to use proper NYT style), I invite you to "discuss" in the comments area provided.

The DA admits to having spent her 30s on work (who didn't) and caring for her father until he passed away shortly after the turn of our new century. The Times describes the years following as the years when "...she crossed alone into her 40s..." It's the Cumberland Gap, that crossing. It's all wilderness beyond that. If you are not eaten by bears, you might make it to the next crossing, your 50s, before you turn to dust somewhere around Lake Tahoe.

"You don't hit the panic button," she said, "You plug along."

[:02 PAUSE for me to look over the paper, and my glasses, at you]

I was at the bridal shower of a 39-year old friend (and now you know she is a good friend) telling one of the wives present that I had signed on a condo. She (the wife) said, "Oh... you gave up."

Well I didn't even know I was in that contest.

The Times article (without being tagged "advertisement") turns out to be a commercial for CatholicMatch, which I am now going to link to, just to confuse Google about my "relevancy." Ms. W's match came in the form of Brian Ante, who had resorted to Dating for Dummies, Chapter One of which advises:

"Be afraid of not taking chances, not making mistakes. Look both ways before you cross the street, but don't stand in the middle of the crosswalk. You'll get run over."
I have seen several friends through the "My Boss is obsessed with personal ads/online dating" obstacle course. I wish I could say some of those Bosses have been men, but in the stories I know they have not. According to the movies, this does happen to Hugh Grant/Matt McConaughey types who eventually see the woman right in front of them Desk Set style. Now this would be a good twist on that story, to have the female DA bogging her staff down in screening applicants, taking profile pics -- a shoe-buying/mirror montage is a must -- only to have her discover Janie -- her world-weary put-upon assistant, who like Anne Hathaway will sweep off her glasses to reveal that she is... Anne Hathaway. bu-day-umn

Guide to Office Spinsters:

"The couple remain patient and hopeful that there will be children in their future, 'either by natural childbirth or adoption,' the bride said."
I look forward to the pull-out section and have renewed my subscription.


  1. Wait...what year is this? Would they publish these same kinds of comments about the over-the-hill groom? I am aghast, yet somehow not surprised being one of those poor over-40 spinsters who "gave up" and bought a house at age of 30. As you know, Ms. Bender, one can manage to live a very full life without a husband. And one must still brace for inane comments such as one made by the friendly Sears salesman who said, "oh, your husband will love this drill." When I replied that the drill was for me, he suggested I buy one of the nice hot pink ladies' drills that came in its own hot pink Barbie-style case! I wonder why there were so many of those hot pink drills piled so high on the sale table?


  2. Statistically, he will die before her, and she will still die alone...without enjoying full control of the TV remote.

  3. i think miss hathaway kind of looks like paul mccartney.....
    i so hope this new bride is shocked and horrified at how this article came across. and i think i looked over my glasses knowingly at the exact same point as you. :)

  4. Oh my dear friend. I do remember that RIDICULOUS comment. wtf? I really want to get petty now and say to her.. "well looks like you have given up as I notice you have packed on the 50 pounds you lost to snatch your freakn husband." but I of course will refrain from that!

    My NY times story would have read in much the same way.. "oh I partied way too much and had way too much fun in my 20's, then worked too much in my 30's and oh ya and then met my hubby when I was 36 (the 2000's way! you know what I mean.. still a bit of a taboo... even though now everyone! is online...)

  5. I miss Ms Hathaway. I loved that she always knew what was going on even though the banker (what was his name, Mr Mooney??) - he, never could figure out Granny or any of the others. mmmmm possum soup!

    oh and another thing... poor Ms W will not have the wonderful world of fertility drugs to run to when she remembers her dreams about becoming a mother!

  6. I am aghast at the NYT story and more so about the comment made to you. Why is it so difficult for people to give up these stereotypes? I am a single female who has just purchased her own condo and is days away from crossing the 40th b-day threshold. And for the record I didn't give up, I chose this. ~SJL

  7. SJL! You go sista!



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