Muh-muh-mu-myyy Winona

This story requires a little stage setting -- diorama stage setting, in fact.

I recently visited the Salem Witch Museum (for which I have another pet name) which is an earnest pumpkin patch of a museum that has outgrown its day, even to a person like me, who still captures people's souls on celluoid take-it-in-blind-faith film.

Anyway, the purest of the witch museums is made up entirely of life-size dioramas that are illuminated during a retelling of the witch trials. Except for the freakish Satan scene, they are not even illuminated in a very dramatic way.

This is one of the scenes.

boo.

I knew this would not impress my namesake/house guest, who was born in 1994, and was no doubt waiting for the multi-media portion of the program to kick in. "No, dear," I cooed: "Lights. sound. 2 media. Let's get lunch. " I had been trying to impress upon her that these people were real, that this thing happened, that 20 people were executed in one summer, based on the testimony of a pack of the Meanest Mean Girls any public school cafeteria ever dreamed up.

The Crucible eventually came to our rescue.

Man, remember when Winona Ryder used to be in everything? According to IMDB, she is in pre-production and production on several works, and will soon be back everywhere. And even I will go to see her as Amanda Grayson in the new Star Trek. Because that is hot.

So Winona appears, all dirty-sweaty for Daniel Day Lewis, and The Namesake says, "Hey, that's the Pirates of the Caribbean girl!"

thank ...... you.

I said, "You know, I am so glad you said that. this is Winona Ryder. The girl in Pirates is Keira Knightly. She's girl they get now because Winona Ryder is my age." Which, she is not quite. She is 37. but still. "though..." I added, " ... they can still manage to get Johnny Depp."

Do you even remember what broke them up? Was she pilfering his stuff? Did she mistakenly sleep with Skeet Ulrich? It could happen. Don't you picture them like a couple who hooks back up at the 20th high school reunion?

I am trying to explain this to a girl who loves Jack Sparrow without ever knowing there was a Tom Hanson! Shouldn't you have to grow into that? Otherwise, aren't you just in love with... Keith Richard(s)?

I found a website that morphs stars into each other. this is Winona + Keira. It is hardly a change from either. They did not have Keira Knightly morphing into Keisha Knight-Pulliam.


Later that weekend we watched Reality Bites, which is still great. Heathers is the best, but I was not sure I would have mother's permission. I would love to be the one who teaches her the quote:

It's like they're people I work with, and our job is to be popular and shit."

Come home, Winona. All is forgiven. We miss you so much, we'll let you be Spock's Mom.