Sunday, February 24, 2008

35th Annual Pilgrimage

7:30 first thing I notice is that Spanish captions are on my TV. How did that happen? Has Jerry Remy been watching sports down here ?

Second thing is that I have not watched broadcast television since the World Series, with the exception of the Pats playoffs, and not even the Super Bowl. I have no patience for these commercials.

I also can not believe that Oprah has a game show.

8:00 Red Carpet
80 years. I started practicing the religion the year I saw American Graffitti and The Sting and realized I had an emotional investment in the outcome. I was hooked.

I don't wish to accuse without evidence, but Regis may have broken into my desk nip.

8:56 Why haven't we written a vehicle for Katherine Heigl and Charlize Theron? With Catherine Deneuve as their mother?

9:30 I never ever wanted to see August Rush, but I just might buy the
9:38 memo to Tilda. Dress like you think you might win.
9:48 while I don't yet "regret" that I didn't see Old Country for No Men, I do think I'm going to have to.
and that Diesel looks like one of the Coen Brothers.

I feel a caption contest coming on.

10:15 - Things I do not miss about past Oscar productions:

1. Dick Clark standing back stage to interview people.
Dick clark anywhere, really.

2. Debbie Allen production numbers.
Right here is where you start payin'. In cheese.

3. Multiple unqualified hosts. Remember the cast of thousands Burt Reynolds-Sally Kellerman-Fred Astaire nonsense of the 70s?

4. Lapel ribbons

5. Bob Mackie spectacle gowns

10:30 2nd glass of wine. Steve Gutenberg will make Dancing with the Stars sexier? how so?

So, while the foreign language film award is accepted, let's get caught up on some things since my prior post. I had a list going for when I got back on line, but they seem like old news now.

"Going Legit" was to be the title of the post that honored Great Moments in Home Ownership #11 - figuring out the DSL directions. I have JB to thank for talking me through it, because I am notorious for misunderstanding the simplest of assembly directions. I once put a filing cabinet together upside down.

Even the illustrated-by-the-airplane-safety-directions pamphlet and the CD that read it to me did not prevent me from making a mistake so common it is warned against twice. Anyway, I'm back on line. I know you can breathe more easiely now. Maybe you are glad that I didn't write about yet another snowstorm. I know I am, but we had it all the same.

10:49 When did John Travolta's head get so much bigger than his face?
11:10 unfortunate speech moment: "it's called a movie because it's a very moving film." Someone should have waited for the WPA to come back on the job.

11:15 When did Tom Hanks' head get so much larger than his hair? Remember that orr-sum pompador from Big?

"It's a robot that turns into a building? I don't get it."

Things are speeding up now, and ABC is trying to bring this production in before midnight. They will probably make it, though I have lost track of how many are left. 4, I think: Actor, Director, Screenplay, Picture. I am not surfing as I write this, because in spite of getting back on line, I have not done so in this room, and there is no TV in the wired room. Do you comprehend the sacrifices I make for you, my readership?

11:23 screenplay = the writers' big moment. Oscar received by Pebbles Flintstone, who may or may not ever work in this town again. I have to take back what I said about the crazy-ass gowns.

Some other things I'm thinking about.
Why doesn't a commercial about changing your job ever feature someone who wants to work in a corporation, wear a suit, and sit in a cubicle? Someone must, because so many of us do.

Why couldn't they call those "general overview" layman's textbooks something like "For The Curious"? or "For the Self-Taught"? Why do they have to be so mean?

This is really JB's joke. I just carried it through.

Rachel Ray, seriously, what do you do?

I think it's fair that I get Jimmy Kimmel and Jimmy Tingle confused, as they are both unfunny blockhead windbags. But then why do I have to be so mean?

11:43 The applause for the Coen brothers sounds kinds of polite. But I don't want to have to sit through their movie.

And the 2007 Oscar goes to...No way am I seeing No Old Country Men. Ok, maybe I will, but not before exhausting ways to mangle its name. And it's not even at the Strand anymore.

Have a good night, everybody. Shoutout to Carol and Sam, and their first Oscars in LA. Drop my name.


  1. For the first time in I can't remember how many years, I stayed up to the bitter end. Thoughts: Did not like the host at all. Wasted way too much time and not at all funny to me. Cody could have chosen a more appropriate dress - but she was really the only one who was over the top - everyone else (including Miran, looked great). Still think Juno should have gotten more - only movie without a lot of what we used to call "shoot 'em up" and more to my liking. Did like some of the clips of past winners and presenters and the few minutes with 98 year old Mr. Boyle. I hope I can move and speak that well in 28 more years!! :o) Marn

  2. Oh, and by the way Katherine Heigl did have a vehicle -- she was in ALL of Janette Oake movies I watched Saturday on the Halmark channel. Even (I think) M. Landon, Jr. was in one or two of them and he produceddirected all of them. A very pleasant way to get brain squishy on a dreary Saturday. Guess who?

  3. And how did Nicolas Cage's face ever fit on John Travolta's head?

    I have to admit that I do look a bit Coen-esque. Too bad I don't have any Oscars. Or even Big Birds, for that matter.


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