Thursday, January 3, 2008

Caucus, as explained by 6th grade girls

Jessica: Ok, let me explain it.

Emily: She's going to interview us, just wait.

Lauren: Be quiet, you guys.

Jessica: I know this...

Ashley: Let her talk. She totally knows it.

Lauren: You guys....

Jessica: Ok, listen. The first big thing is that you have to have your preference, or whatever. That is the huge, the whole, thing. So you have your preference, and you go, like, This is who I like, you guys.

Emily: Yeh, and then, all of us who like that same person too...? We go and stand there, with her...? and go, We like them.

Lauren: Wait you guys, you have to have enough percentage or whatever--- [Jessica/Ashley: FIFTEEN percent!]--teen percent. I said that, shut up!

Jessica: Ok, would you just.. [rolls eyes and moans -- uuugghr] Ok. [smiles] So that's our preference group. We'll be the group, and Emily, you be the Undecided or whatever.

Ashley/Lauren: (playfully) fuh-reeeeek! [all giggle]

Emily: Shut up you guys. Ok, (affecting haughty voice) I am un-dee-SIGH-ded.

Jessica: And we try to get her to come to our group.

All (but Emily): Red Rover, Red Rover, send Emily right over!

Lauren: Oh, wait, I changed my mind.

Ashley: No waaay!

Lauren: yuh-hunh. (to the interviewer) I have 30 minutes. I can go to every group if I want. (mouths 'slut'. all giggle). So, ok, I go over to this other group (jumps left) and Emily goes with them...

Emily: (waves imaginary wand) Freak no More! (all giggle)

Jessica: And that's what you do. Only, there is like, a whole, hugh-normous, like hall. Of people. Doing it. Ohmigawd! (all shriek) Oh, my god, you guys! shut up!! Caucusing. You know what I meant.

Interviewer: But how does that decide the election?

Jessica: Because the biggest group wins. And if you go to the convention, and don't do like the preference group said, you are totally---

Lauren: ---like, shunned. or whatever.

Interviewer: So, for the national convention, this is how you pick?

Jessica: nuh-uh. It's for the county. Then they pick who goes to the nationals

Emily: Like gymnastics competition!

Lauren: no it's not, Emily

Interviewer: What if everyone just voted their heart?

Ashley: You're just gross.

Interviewer: So... why does Iowa get to go first?

Jessica: I dunno. because of... I don't know. A treaty or something. Oh, my mom's here. She's taking us to China King, on accounta Lauren got her braces off today. See ya!!

Emily: (walking away) wouldn't wanna be ya. (all giggle)

Lauren: (running to catch up) you guys....


  1. Ok, this made me nearly pee my pants.
    Hilarious! Thank you for the big laughs!

  2. So funny! That's probably a better understanding of our political process than a lot of adults can claim! And why does Iowa get to go first? (I'm totally going to Google that, right after we get back from China King.)


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