Sunday, January 2, 2011

Amateur Week

You know it is a new year because your gym is suddenly crowded -- on a Sunday morning at 10am.

I have long suspected there my gym only has 20 members, and that 15 of them do not have jobs.  Because the same people are there no matter when I go.  They are like seat fillers at the Oscars, or fake staff certain Mill managers might have scheduled at the dollhouse factory.  And they were certainly all there today, as were.... the Resolutionists.

But props to the new guy who did atomic pushups balanced on 3 free weights -- vertically placed free weights.  I couldn't even find a picture of this move, and you know I can find a picture of anything.  There, just now I entered "skunk gnome" for no reason.

Anyway, I can't find exactly the picture, but it is something like the position above.  Each hand on a free weight standing on its end, both feet balanced on one weight in the same position.  Doing.  Push. Ups.  He can stay.  Because he can do any damn thing he pleases.

I rode 7 miles on the Expresso bike, only one of which is working. Not that I could have ridden both -- what I mean is that I am about a 5 minute mile, and when the gym is crowded you are asked to "limit to 30 minues [sic]."  I hate to keep people waiting.  But I hate not to finish.  Not bad for not having been there for a couple of weeks. 

While we're on the topic, do stop by the Expresso site and read their copy.    I enjoy this gem:
The Expresso approach is fundamentally different from taking your mind off of boring exercise. It engages your mind into your workout so that you'll get the best workout during the time you allocated for fitness in your busy life. 
Helps me understand why the machine rarely works properly.  Today you could shift gears DOWN, but not UP , and it put me on the Leader Board for my route.  So you know that can't be right...

Sat in the sauna, which I enjoy in the winter, and listened to 2 members take matters into their own hands by moving a clock off the side wall to the locker room where there used to be one but isn't anymore.  Ordinarily, I approve of this sort of rogue behavior, but I happen to know it was moved outside the sauna because a different member asked for there to be one in view from inside the sauna, where really one shouldn't stay for very long.  And I am sad to say I know that because I enjoy reading those "Ask the Manager" comment cards posted outside the locker room.

Here are some more characters to add to our little play:
Kidspace: The staffer who primarily staffs the child watch area, but also works the front desk, where she can be seen talking to...

Hobbler:  That sounds mean, but it is only a flat observation.  This woman, also on staff, prowls around on this contraption.  It seems like an innovation, but then it also reminds me of this.

Sofia: She is not new; I just haven't mentioned her before.  She is one of the group who is always there, but more specifically always in the locker room.  She is about 60, leathery, Mediterranean.  Chesty.  Hence....

Eldin: Actually a woman, but a woman painter who wears spattered overalls.  She tends to open with the weather and end with some vampyric sad sack story.

Not Frank:  For about a year I have been uncertain whether this guy is actually one of my neighbors, and it turns out he is.  He is the guy whose name I don't know, but think is not "Frank."  "Frank" was my original secret neighbor name for him, which I shouldn't let slip. 

Mighty Mite:  A little guy, with a badger-face, and a 30" inseam.  But he's got some power.  If we had 3 of him, Atomic Push-ups wouldn't need to tie up the free weights.

Ok, so that really was mean.


  1. one of the custodians at my school is a not frank! turns out he's a larry, but i was pretty sure he was a frank for a couple of years.

  2. There were 31 at Jazzercise on Monday. I don't think there are that many members, and I know that's more than the total count for the past three weeks. I'll be glad when they are gone back to their lattes and muffins and make room for those of us who actually came during December.


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