There is no need for me to write...

...as long as this is out there.

The Animatronic Singing And Talking Elvis.

copy by Hammachler Schlemmer. Snarky commentary is my own.

First question - was the name "hammachler schlemmer" made up by your Grandfather's brother, who had it in for the Hammachler family whose 5-and-dime ran his little shop off the block? Was it originally "Hammachler Schmammachler"? And am I 90?

This is the animatronic Elvis, a singing and talking robotic bust adorned with The King's trademark leather jacket, sideburns, and pompadour, recalling the musical icon's performance during the highest-rated television event of 1968-Elvis Presley's Comeback Special.

Whew! I need to rest a minute.

The device (Device?! It's the King of Rock and Roll. Show some respect) sings eight of Elvis' most acclaimed songs including Hound Dog, Love Me Tender, and Jailhouse Rock, and the mouth, eyes, and head movements are synchronized with the music, replicating his unique facial expressions (including the curled upper lip) and baritone voice. Notice that the "curled lip" is real copy. Do NOT leave me alone in the dark with this.

Integrated infrared sensors in his jacket detect ambient motion, prompting Elvis to say "Bring it on back now" or another famous Elvis remark as you walk by, and the device has 37 monologues recorded from interviews that play at a touch of a button, each reflecting on the life and career of The King. I would, however, like it in my workspace.

A karaoke feature allows you to sing along with Elvis and the device has an audio port for connecting an MP3 player or another audio source, allowing you to play your own music through Elvis's 10-watt speaker. OF COURSE IT DOES. How else do you justify the $300 price tag?

Includes a remote control, 1/4" microphone jack, and an AC/DC adapter. Remote requires three AAA batteries. 20 1/4" H x 13 3/4" D x 21 3/4" L. (10 lbs.)

I ordered one for each of you.