Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Where the Boys are

My newly-single friend asked, "Where am I supposed to meet men, anyway?"

I said, "Well I can tell you, but you'll have to get up early."

The bachelors get up early -- even the young ones -- and take care of their tasks in a mostly bachelor world. I know it because I do too, and for the same reasons they do -- to get it done before the families and children are underfoot. (This is not a shot across the family bow. We love you, really, but even you will admit you are not the most efficient unit on the field.)

So stop sleeping in, single gal. Take your nap during the game, like the bachelors do, and get out there.

Dunkin Donuts - The men who go to Starbucks are meeting each other. Sorry to tell you. Boys who like girls do not spend money on themselves. This is why women buy their clothes and vegetables. Expensive coffee will be your idea after you land one. See also diners, below.

Laundromats - Before 10am on a Saturday, everyone in the laundromat is a single man. Except me, and I finally got a washing machine. On Sundays, you generally have until the after-church crowd. After-church laundry people have 5 children a piece. The rules of the laundry are also different at this hour, and Man Law says it is ok for you to use multiple machines at once as long as there are enough to go around.

Car Wash - Cleaning is a great morning activity, and the wash stalls are also men-only before breakfast. This enclave is not exclusively muscle cars and pick-ups, but mostly. Car Washing and laundry also do not take place on the same day. That would smack of housework, rather than just doing what you feel like. The married men are here too, and washing a car is a great reason to not wear a ring, so proceed with caution. Married men never do the laundry; they tell their wives they are going to the hardware. Which bring us to...

Home Depot - natch. Early morning Home Depot are the real contractors and they are on the job, so you won't get much out of them. It's more like a catalog to shop from. By 10am, the female couples arrive, having finished their pancakes.

Diners - They eat at the counter, all the better to chat the waitress, unless they are in groups, in which case they prefer the booth. No one can talk in a line, and you can't all compete for the waitress in that array.

the Tire Store - frightfully dull, but they do love the tire place. Go into a Bridgestone 8:30 on a Saturday and the vinyl sofa is full. I don't even think most of them are buying anything. It's the new general store.

Car Dealership - The men who go to the car dealership rather than a local mechanic know less about their cars, and they can't fiddle around in the bay with Eddie while he does his job, so they are a little bored and the coffee is bad. They are going to start a loud irritating cell phone call unless you talk to them.

Transfer station - You'll catch the divorced dads here, on the hilarious errand of taking their kids to the dump. A married man never makes it to the dump, until he is 60 when it becomes his new tire store; and a true bachelor doesn't care about recycling unless he volunteers there handing out "Get out of Iraq" pamphlets (in which case, he is a viable prospect). But weekend dads need all the entertainment they can get. And Cute Dads can be an older girl's weakness.

Yawkey Way - Need 'em-need 'em-got 'em On a game day, you're just waiting for the guys who aren't going to get in, unless you feel brave enough to throw in your cash and get 2 together. Off days, the pre-dawn line is Mantown. Dress warmly; it will be winter. And you'd better know your baseball, because that's all you'll talk about. For hours.

Glamorous? no. I never said it was.

1 comment:

  1. Good ideas. I could've used this a little over a year ago, but, alas, I'm no longer on the lookout for single guys.


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