Monday, May 2, 2011

Do you know what your company needs?

Corporate Chaplains of America does. 

You know how one of the lines in our cultural liturgy has become "Counselors will be present on site for those who need assistance"?  I found out where they come from.

When I worked in the world of Higher Ed, nuns and priesst, and rabbis and chaplains were easily had -- and I'll admit it: sometimes we talked to them about stuff we might not have talked to the Boss about.  I would say the same about the campus nurse and the head of student counseling.  So maybe it wasn't just the collar.  Maybe it was the well-scrubbed hands.

Anyway, I dare say that if you don't now work on a college campus, or in a Bon Secour hospital, you may not have ready access to the holy word in your workplace.  My position is not going to be for or against this in principle.  It is going to be wonder.... what that character on your little show would be like.

Because if you thought these 2 jokers were weak and ineffectual....

One of my favorite moments on The Office is Andy Bernard trying to mediate a conflict resolution, "because I was an R.A."  That's pretty much what I imagine your Corporate Chaplain is like.

"Corporate Chaplains of America implements a variety of means for caring in the workplace. These include any or all of the following: confidential care giving, crisis intervention, critical incident care team specialists, management consultation, programs for worship or prayer, referral to other professionals and agencies, training and education for employees and supervisors, employee/community/church relations and programs, and special events scheduled in response to needs which arise in the workplace. "

This need might have been such a need.
Maybe instead of the Muscle, the big man could have brought the Heart.
{{blllli-i-ii-ng..... The More You Know...}}

Start your visit to CCA through their introductory video.  Enjoy the corporate gear the chaplains get to wear.  I think we all know how much respect is given the co-workers whose jobs require the logo -- without irony.    "Their dress code is khakis-casual."  Their own press says that.

"Whatever the scope of each family's problems or concerns, Corporate Chaplains of America has a network of qualified and caring outsource providers that can help."

family?  seriously, CCA.  That is not helping.

HOW trained?  Oh, highly trained.
And temperament tested.   Like dogs from the shelter.
I wish this were also true of my management tier.  I think if we started our monthly departmental meetings with a round of "Peace That Passeth Understanding" ... I was going to say something else, but now I am just going to say... I would pay for that myself.  I might just start it on Wednesday.

 This is why he is so happy.  Cause you-all is craaazy.  And he gets to leave tomorrow.  The site explains that your chaplain is shared among 3-5 other companies.  Are they comparable companies?  Are they competitors ? Does he organize sandlot baseball, like Bing Crosby might have done?

This slide comes at the end of the video.  They hope you haven't noticed the line at the beginning, where they promise "...a life-nourishing resource built on christian faith and a helping hand."  Non-denominational must mean "other than ours."

Do not scoff at Corporate Chaplains.  Their 5 year plan might be more ambitious than your own company's.

They slid the dry-cleaning and the workout room right in on you.  They made you think you wanted your dog there.  And as long as the United Way decides where to spend the charitable donation the dept director pressures you into, you might as well have Bible study there too.  Why leave?

Coca-Cola has 25 of them.
Tyson Foods, 127.  Corporate Chaplains
LubeFast.       (stop it. that's not funny)
Though I should clarify that those companies were contracted from  A rival corporate chaplain placement service.  Chew on that phrase a while. 

1 comment:

  1. Rival corporate chaplain placement office"? Very interesting. I can see a need in time of huge disaster - like the tornado destroyed our house and the office - but that's about it. Perhaps in my next life...


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