Friday, August 20, 2010

Real corporate email

A story in reverse order.  Sort of.
As the Boss was leaving for the day (and week) I let her know I was closing out a thing that had been delegated to me be her boss this morning.  A thing that had been open for a month until my soooper genius was able to crack the case. 

And if you are anywhere in the vicinity of my friend circle you can hear the sarcasm dripping out of my voice. 

I said to her, "That email thread is my new favorite thing, by the way.  I want to make a blog out it." And that's the story I'm going to tell.
I don't yet have a name for the new mill.  It is not the Mill  (it is soooo not The Mill) but I can't figure out what it is.
Maybe...     derby
That doesn't matter now. 
What matters is that I am about to diss Sales, and they are the same wherever you go.  Second to them is Order Management, and you know that's an itchy rash.  
Our finance team is out of state, which seems like taking SOX compliance to an extreme degree...  and they are notorious red-tapers crippled by a manual process (sssh, don't tell them - I took it off the resume) that, to be fair to them, is really impossible.  So sometimes... the bill doesn't get sent, is what I am saying.
At the end of last month, OM wrote to ask about some paperwork for something that happened on BigCo Customer last fall
It went just like this:
Week One
OM:  Dear sales, we need that paperwork
Week Two
OM:  Hey, sales, did anyone get that paperwork?
Weenie1: Wasn't my sale
Weenie2: Wasn’t my sale
Week Three
OM: Ok, but can you tell me who the customer contact is?lassoed_calf_poster-p228713616410163189trma_400
Weenie3:  Maybe Inside Weenie knows.  (“looooping in,” we called this at The Mill) 
Inside Weenie: Wasn’t my sale
Week Four 
OM: Hi, Boss of anyone who might know, who should get this bill?
Manager of previous owner: What do you know – when I looked the customer up, I found this name under Primary Contact.
My grandboss: [FWDs all previous  nonsense] Caroline – make this go away.
Me: Hi customer: before I ever worked here someone should have sent you a bill.
Weenie1: Can someone call this customer?
Me: Dear Weenies.  You are not helping and I am closing this thread.
Weenie2: I think Weenie4 knew somebody at one time that was at a conference with a person who used to go out with the contact’s IT guy.
Me:  I GOT this.  Stop it.
Weenie1:  Yippeee
VP of Weenies: Thank God.
No – THANK ME.  And enjoy your commission.


  1. Welcome to the world, Ms. Bender. This is what certain folks - most of whom are of the feminine persuasion - have been doing for their bosses and their bosses bosses since Kitty Foyle took up typing. It took you a (drumroll, please) telephone call to fix this, but making calls to the client isn't on anyone's list - well, at least not anyone in sales. Once it's sold, it's not their problem any more. Oh oh! you got me to ranting. 'nuff said.

  2. No one wants to take responsibility for doing anything and hardly anyone wants to make a decision that will result in their having to take responsibility. That's why things fall in the cracks. Fortunately, there are enough folks like you and me (and a few others who follow this blog) who are willing to do both and then move on to the next 'brush fire' that needs putting out. Good job, my friend. M


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