Dream a little dream of mii

 

You never really see yourself until you see yourself in a friend’s Wii Plaza

You never really see your friends until you watch them make your Mii (which really ought to be your Yuu).  But let’s get past it.

In a short span of time, I got to witness this in 2 very different households, and was surprised to discover how similar this process could be in both – and how identically creepy it made me feel.

I should add that in one of these households, I was being re-added, after having been removed.  re… MOVED.  This is like coming off the Christmas card list, surely, since you don’t need to actually be playing for your Mii to show up driving the speed boat or cheering on the beach Frisbee. (registered trademark of the Wham-o company).  You are part of the action!  So be removed from the Wii plaza is to no longer c-o-u-n-t.  It might have hurt my feelings if I had known it was going on.

One’s plaza can also include “celebrity Miis,” representations of stars, sports figures, fictional characters with whom your Mii can partner or compete.  People with a lot of Internet time post instructions for how to make them.  They are surprisingly accurate, considering the limited number of variables you have at your control. 

(Jodii)

Mii creation requires the use of the remote, and any home has a remote holder and a not-the-remote holder.  But just like when watching TV, the not-the-remote holder is much more vocal about their wishes than the one who holds it.  (They would have to be.)  Imagine this as Vermeer’s wife:  “Less BLUE!  And hurry up.”  They will shout instructions that are mostly unheeded by the portraitist.  You will just sit there and watch your closest friends argue over your caricature.

We have covered in this space before how you can put glasses on any cartoon and make it look like me.  Where it goes from there depends on your portraitist.  But I can tell you based on my 2 Mii-sessions in a week, that this is what you can expect:

A lot of back-and-forth staring at you.  When they glance back at you, you will do a goofy smile.  Or you will jut your chin out as if it makes you somehow more 3-D.

Discussion of your eye-color.  You will discover that your friends do not know what color your eyes are, and neither do you (even the 2nd time you are asked).  In any case, Wii only has a few options, like Mendel’s chart.

Height is subjective.  Miis are essentially bobble-head dolls.  You would have to make one the size of the TV screen for the head to make sense.  People seem to like their plaza in a pleasing symmetrical array, so expect to be unrealistically the same size as other people you know – in this digital Noah’s Ark, Tom Cruise finally gets to stand tall beside Nicole Kidman.  

Your hands are little balls.  That’s not your hosts’ fault.  It’s just weird.

Body “morphia” is also in the hands of the designer.  They will not look at you as they make this choice, so you can let out your breath.

Facial hair is funny.  They will put some on you even though you are a girl. 

“whatever.”  They will ask what color you want to wear.  They all look like Up with People costumes.  Say any color.  The artist will indulge your choice for a second, say “whatever” and choose something else.

You will still suck at Wii.